How I See Myself

“To one’s enemies: “I hate myself more than you ever could.”
― Alain de Botton

You have girls these days, Obsessed with posting photos of themselves on Facebook, lapping up the attention that young boys give them, proudly being the envy of all their friends. Spending hours looking in the mirror, Snapchatting people photos of their face obnoxiously covering what could have been an amazing photo. Confident and friendly, they love themselves, or perhaps they only love their mask, but either way this is what society see’s and expects from these girls.

Then you have me, I hate myself. To the point I may loath myself from time to time. I won’t stare in the mirror, I hate the face that looks back. I won’t always Snapchat photo’s of myself, because I would hate for people to see how ugly I am. I do not Facebook photos of myself and I hate cameras. I am not confident, I am constantly comparing myself to others.

I am short and stupid looking, with puffy wavy hair which not even my friends like. Dull uninteresting eyes and a body which I feel sorry that people have to look at.

I have day’s where I just want to curl up and cry, they are all so much prettier, smarter, more confident than I will ever be.

It was one of those days today, I spent at least half of my day in tears, hiding away at the pool area where no one will find me.

No one needs to see how much I hate myself, no one needs to bare witness to that. So I will hide away and cry my tears, I will force myself to look in the mirror, even if i wish to break it.

I will put on a smile and endure the insults of that day, I will fake it all.

Because you have to take it one step at a time, if you ever want to see the next day.

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