Just an update

So apparently I should be doing a weekly update for this blog, so here we go..

I have been soon busy over these past few weeks, that I have been stressed to the max. I have a new job, the SAT is getting to me. I am having issue in school and the future is starting to crash down on me.

All in all I am pretty much stressing to the max, which sucks ass.




So, lets just say I may or may not be angry right now. Cannot fully explain why, but I am. Oh I am.

Sigh, Jansma, yes you went through a breakup, yes it sucked for you. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee moveeeee onnnn >.>

>.> I won’t get angrier, i’ll just leave it for now.

Moving – The Planning Stage


It is officially, official. I am going to move out and should be moved in by next year *fingers crossed*.

It is going to be a ton of work and most likely allot of stress, but i am sure it will be worth it in the end. The most important things right now will be costing, budgets and saving, saving, saving.

Wish me luck, I will be spending my holiday doing planning and trying to find another job.

School Photos #1

I still have no idea how to upload more then one photo at once >.> any way~ this is what i do when I am bored at school. n.n


I can control how I think when I’m awake but sadly I have no control on my thoughts when I am asleep. I can try my hardest and block all thought of Jeff from my mind, but some still slip through.

And it drives me mental.

This should be the same as last time he left, where I got over him quickly, back when there was no ongoing heart ache. This is just a pain in the ass if I’m to be honest.

I know why we split and I know that should stop me from thinking Bout him. But after all this time. It’s allot harder then it looks to forget a man you once adored.


I think I am slowly going insane, school is driving me crazy and I can’t seem to stay calm. 

I know my friends are worried about me..though they shouldn’t be, I am a big girl and I will get through it. Just right now I am fucked, if I am to be honest the break up hasn’t affected me much, I do still get sad, but besides that I am not as sad or mad as I thought I would have been.

It was essentially my fault but I guess it was going to happen eventually. I just need to keep busy and focus on something else for the time being, eventually this will all become a memory, where I will only remember the sweet parts and never the bitter or sour ones.

So summary:

1. I am going insane

2. Breakup wasn’t that bad

So This Is The End?

Being able to let go not because we want to but because we know it is best. 

That quote probably best describes the event that took place yesterday night. Jeffrey and I had been together for 17 months in total or 1 year 5 months and 4 days (Timenotes in your face!). On Saturday I had found out after a recent ‘session’ (Yeah lets call it that) that i was no longer attracted sexually to him, but only sexually in every other aspect I was.

I still love the man, but after a lengthy discussion last night (after he finally hopped online) we both decided that it would be best to end it, despite the fact I did not cry (And still have yet to..you just wait for it) it has made my heart sad, he meant the world to me, and still does. 

But I guess it was best for both of us, and Jeffrey, if you are reading this (If you even remember the site) I do love you, you silly man. But obviously it was not meant to be, good luck love.